Easy Plans
by chocolatexloverx16
Summary: Voltaire just wanted to destroy the Bladebreakers... too bad they didn't feel the same way xD  This is beyond absurd, I'm warning you.  Dedicated to INYOFACE!  :D  Rated... T.  Although, T  would be more appropriate x3


_**A/N**__: Hello my friends :D I have decided that it's been long enough since I actually wrote a parody for you guys. This time around, it's Voltaire and a tip top secret master plan only he knows about. Until now xD_

_**Warnings**__: OOCness, violence (blowing off heads), basically playing around with talking heads, absurdity, the usual nonsense, EVILNESS, swearing maybe, hopefully some actual humor xD Also, this is based somewhat off of a dream I had once…_

_**Dedication**__: This time, I'm going to dedicate my fic to Inyoface. Because she is awesome, and she's been waiting for this theme the longest, lol. (You'll see what I mean.) Anyway, this is for you!_

_**Disclaimer**__: I don't own anything. No Beyblade for me D:_

This time it's sure to work. That's what I've said each and every single time I come up with an unstoppable plan. Unfortunately, they've all been stopped.

But THIS TIME it is sure to work. Those bastards keep ruining my world domination plans. Not this time… I will make sure of that. I, Master Voltaire, will make sure to wipe those triumphant smirks off their faces. Once and for all. "Now to finish the products of doom…" I made final adjustments to the little red buttons, including carving the word "Easy" over "Doom", just because I can.

Satisfied that the easy buttons were finished, I decided to give them a test run. But who should I pick as the guinea pig?

(Somewhere else, in another POV)

Kai and the rest of the bladebreakers were at the park, playing on the swings. Max had spiked Kai's coffee with unnecessary sugar, so Kai would be FUN FUN FUN. At least, that's how Max put it; and he was right… Kai acted like a little kid.

However, this oasis and paradise and heaven was not to last. While Kai was standing on the swing, laughing and swinging side-to-side, his head blew off. There was no warning, no sign that this would happen… it just did. Horrified, the rest of the team ran over to him.

"Kai! Are you ok?"

"KAI! What just happened to you?"

"KAI! SPEAK TO US!"

"Guys… his head just blew off, and you expect him to just talk to us?" Hilary threw out.

"Well… YEAH. It's Kai! He doesn't just DIE like that. He wouldn't die so easily!" Tyson rambled, as if that would justify his answer. Which it probably would.

Kai's head twitched. "Of course I can still talk, you idiots. I'm awesome. If you couldn't tell, my head blew off, and no, I don't know why. But I have an idea who did it…"

"BORIS!" Max asked.

"No, he would've showed himself, and bragged about blowing our heads off, then done it. No, it was… _Voltaire._" he spat out the name.

Tyson gasped. "You mean that old man is still alive? I had no idea he was still so bent on-" That was as far as he got, until his head popped off his body.

"OMG, TYSON!" A synchronized call went out. "Not you too!" Kenny added.

Kai laughed. "Haha, it got you too."

"Shut up Kai."

Ray closed his eyes. "Ok, this is too much, even for me. How the hell are you still talking? Did the fates decide to punish us?"

He was answered with his own head popping clean off his head. "Fuck," Ray sighed.

Tyson perked up. "Hey we should totally make a club!"

Kai and Ray just stared at him, uninterested. "Why?" Ray asked.

"How many body-less clubs do you know of? We could start a trend even!"

Kenny was in a thinking pose. "Well, we need to get you guys back together. But how?"

Kai thought a moment. "Well, perhaps you could pick our heads off the ground, and put them on our shoulders. Would that be too difficult for you to handle?"

Hilary answered that by picking up Tyson's head. "Oh my God, your head is really HEAVY. Why is your head so heavy?"

"Because I'm just that smart," he replied.

"No, seriously," Hilary laughed. "I think it's your thick skull."

She put his head on his body, and voila! It magically reattached. Because, as you know, they can't die. They're important, awesome people.

As they finished reattaching heads to bodies, they breathed a sigh of relief. Then went back to their swinging competitions.

(Voltaire)

Ok, so I went a little overboard with the testing… but it works, and that's the important thing. I think I shall go to the park, and use my easy button on random people that annoy me.

Ten minutes later, I step onto the pathway in the park, looking for all the people. Unfortunately, most of them seemed to have left for home. What a pity.

I was about to go back home, and call it a night, when I heard screams and shouts by the playground. Curious, and annoyed, I went to check it out. Who could those hooligans be?

Imagine my surprise when I saw my own dear grandson and his pathetic little team of do-gooders. The irony is not lost on me. I sit down behind the bushes, and push the button.

The brown-haired girl's head popped off. Shame, I wanted my grandson's to pop off first. This thing must be malfunctioning. I'll try again. The blond one's head pops off. No! Not him! Taking a deep breath, I try again. This time, the short geeky one's head comes clean off. No! Not again! Why won't this thing listen to me?

Trying again, the long black-haired one's head comes off. I notice how I still hear several voices. How are they still talking? Maybe if I decapitate someone else, it'll help. Mr. World Champion himself is beheaded. The only one left is Kai. Laughing insanely, I press the button again. He's bound to be headless as well.

I feel my own head rise in altitude, then fall on the ground. My head is in plain view of my dear grandson, and he just laughs at me. Rude.

If that wasn't angering enough, he walks behind the bushes and steps on my precious easy button.

Well, I sigh to myself, I guess my evil plan failed… again.

_**A/N**__: T.T Ok, that was really bad T.T But at least I have Voltaire's done. I hope you liked it though. And I wonder how popular that body-less club would be?_

_Peace and love! :D_

_chocolatexloverx16_


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